This has a few different meanings. The most obvious one is that Like does attract Like and, when you think about it, we do tend to like people who are like us. That's whether we are in a good frame of life or one that spirals out of whack. Positive people hang with other positive types and the same goes for negative ones.
If you find yourself in a negative frame, you need to start looking at yourself and the people who you hang around (or who hang around you).
What kind of people do you find yourself hanging around or hanging around you?
Let's define a negative or toxic person. It's someone who complains all the time, dumping their problems on you while doing nothing about their situation. They are not supportive (although they may feel they are). They can be someone who makes you feel bad, shoots down your brilliant ideas, big goals, or big decisions that you need to make in order to rise to greater heights.
There are others who either border on psychotic or are square in that territory, very dangerous who hold onto emotions of jealousy of others. They're the kind of person who, like a vulture or psychic vampire, latch onto you when you have a bad day and do what they can to make you feel worse about yourself so they can feed off your own negativity. Picture the person who, as a child, would pinch or punch their sibling and then start saying, "Oh! Why are you crying? What happened?" and then progress as adults to do similar things on a larger scale.
The latter can also call on you, under the guise of wanting to help or support, when in reality they are trying to get under your guard so they can start suckling off your negativity and bask in watching you writhe in mental anguish as they goad you further with well-placed manipulative language.
The sad thing is that these same people are often in a very dark place in their own lives. It can be tempting for some empathic people to want to help them, as anyone would support someone who is simply having a bad day, only to find they are being drawn into another drama. Be aware that many times they are unable to see beyond their own struggles and not open to constructive feedback or changing.
This article is not about them but rather how to help yourself so you don't allow their negativity to impact upon your own life.
Why is it so important to detox your life of them?
"Develop an allergy to negativity"
Negative or toxic people slow you down towards achieving what you want in life. Whether they know it or not, they can either discourage you from your ambitions and ideals or following your dreams by questioning your thoughts and planting doubts in your head. Their energy can affect your own performance, not to mention your stress and anxiety.
It's about looking after your health (mental and physical) and also your own psyche so learn to look after yourself!
I've personally found it important to distance myself from such people, whether they are strangers, friends or even family members. Mahatma Ghandi has been quoted as saying, "I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet." After seeing what such toxic personalities can do, can you blame him for saying that so strongly?
You need to create space for positive change to happen. Being in toxic relationships with such people will hold you back from creating happiness and conditions for your own success. Also, releasing negative people from your life will create space for the positive influences to enter your life that encourage, support and helpl you to grow as the beautiful person you deserve to be.
It is your right to stand up for yourself!
There are three basic steps to do that.
Step 1: Decide that you are worth it and tell yourself that.
Some people feel they have to wait for approval or permission to be worth something. You are worthy of achieving your dreams and goals and being the person you want to be. Letting go of any negativity will get you there quicker. Commit to doing it for yourself otherwise that guilt for letting go of such relationships will keep you in the same place.
You're worth it and all I can say is that you just DECIDE. DO IT NOW!!!
What goals do you have. How badly do you truly want them? Are these negative people actually supporting you or are they taunting you with how you haven't been reaching them in their own passive-aggressive way?
Do you want to be happy?
Step 2: Work out who the toxic people are
Toxic folks make you feel worse when you start talking to them. They bring your energy level down, leaving you feeling like you have just bottomed out on empty.
To be clear, there is a difference between someone sharing their problems with you (such as having a bad day, as we all do) and someone who constantly moans, bitches and complains.
The difference is someone who is genuinely struggling is willing to take constructive feedback, is open to change and follows through on it. On the other side of the coin, complainers don't want to change and want you to feel sorry for them and stop everything to do so at the drop of a hat every chance they can get.
They can shoot down your ideas, question your decisions. They can question your relationships, job choices, and other things such that they come between you and what you want. In short, they love to rule and manipulate you with fear.
It can be so well-practised (if they are doing it deliberately) that it is so subtle and hard to notice that you don't realise until it's possibly too late. Otherwise they can be as obvious as a slap in the face from a killer whale. So be on guard.
They don't have to be blatantly obvious to be just as dangerous. Nor do they have to do it knowingly.
Step 3: Let them go
In the famous words of Nike, just do it! Do it any way you can or that you think is appropriate.
Avoid them. Stop picking up their calls. You can apologise for being distant but feel no obligation at all to explain yourself or defend your actions. You don't have to answer to them.
Even if you do try explaining to them, it may fall upon deaf ears as they are not ready to listen and to change themselves. They're happy in their own muck or they may also get defensive or attempt to divert the blame back onto you.
My advice is to do it gracefully and with love - especially love for yourself. Send them away with love and good wishes. If you wish, you can be open to the possibility that if and when they are ready to change and be more positive or supportive then you would be open to rekindling things. If you do give them a chance, be on guard just the same as you may need to break the connection permanently.
Step 4: Be happy
I lied. There is a step 4. Once you have done step 3, it's time to smile and be happy!
Remember to not feel guilt for letting them go. You have just helped yourself by being your best friend.
Perhaps you feel that you should keep them around just because they're a family member. Families are meant to nurture each other and be supportive. Normal ones also let each other live their lives unhindered and you have the right to be positive and happy while living your life to its fullest limit.
You're not obligated to keep them in your life if they have been a negative influence and potentially harming your own happiness. Relationships tend to evolve and some simply run their course. Let that be one of them.
Let the positivity in and enjoy the good times that you have allowed into your life!
You deserve it.
ESPecially Best Wishes,
Chris Johnson, Psychic Entertainer
www.thementalist.com.au
PS: Would you like to make a little extra money? I actually pay people who find me bookings. Drop me a line at www.thementalist.com.au and I will tell you more.
