All War Is Won Through Deception
by Chris Johnson
(c) Copyright Chris Johnson 2011-2015
Patterns spin themselves around us in our lives, weaving themselves about us in a multitude of hues, tones, dramas and emotions to form the fabric of our universe.
The patterns in my life have been fascinating me over the course of this year. Only in the past 7 days has there been some light coming to pass as one of these patterns revealed itself, presenting itself as a series of problems to me, and shown that it provides its own solution.
It comes through the conflict between personalities, the two classic sorts of dependent and independent. I used to believe that we are either one or the other but today I have realised that we are neither and we are both at the same time.
Confused?
Take an example of two people, each the opposite of the other.
One example I can think of belongs to two people who I used to know years ago who existed in a doomed relationship. He was a tradesman, a boilermaker, and she was unemployed. Her case was only so because she believed that she had no need to work, a belief fostered by her partner who was breadwinner and always brought the money home.
She believed that she was dependent on him for everything :- money, security, love, food, a home and a bed to sleep in at night.
He, on the other hand, learned to take her for granted by believing she would always be home for him when he returned from work. Food would always be cooked and ready, the house would have always been cleaned and ready for his friends to come around and drink and leave the house in a mess again, and he believed that he always had sex on tap when he wanted it.
If she wanted to try something for herself, he always told her that she would never be able to do it. That included something most of us take for granted, such as driving a car.
Eventually her stronger self had reached its pain threshold and lashed out. Her partner came home one day and found that she was gone. All of her possessions were taken from the house, leaving him with his own things in his house.
She has since learned to drive, has found a loving and supportive partner who is now the father of their two young sons, and has a better outlook on life.
The question is :- who was really the dependent one in the relationship?
Personally I think that he was the dependent one. Those who are too dependent in a relationship, especially when insecure in their own abilities as a human being, will generally attempt to suppress the ones they "love" in order to keep that loved one with them. That is exactly what they guy did. In reality he was dependent on her for things to be done around the house and to be there when he needed sexual release. She was more than capable of achieving what she wanted in life. All she had to do was SEE it and then BELIEVE it.
Have you seen the Disney animated film called, "Song of the South"?
It's full of stories, based upon three characters known as Br'er Rabbit, Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear as told by "Uncle Remus".
One of the stories tells of how Bre'er Fox and Br'er Bear managed to capture Br'er Rabbit, using his own cockiness against him as a weapon with the help of a tar baby they had created. When the rabbit was captured, the bear and the fox took their time trying to figure out what to do with him. Would they eat him or would they torture him some other way?
Br'er Rabbit said, "You can do whatever you want with me but don't throw me in yonder briar bush."
Of course this just tempted the Fox and the Bear and they tormented the Rabbit with the idea of doing exactly just that. The more they pressed, the more the Rabbit protested until eventually they threw him as far into the prickly briar patch as they could.
Listening, they expected to hear the Rabbit crying in pain and misery... only they heard him chortling and laughing as he admitted that was exactly where they wanted to throw him. You know why?
That was his original home as he had been born there!
You're probably wondering what that has to do with dependent personalities....?
I will explain that in a moment but next I want to bring your attention to one of the oldest personal development books known to history. It's called The Art Of War and was written by a Chinese gentleman by the name of Sun Tzu.
Sun Tzu has been quoted in his works for sayings such as "War is best fought with deception", "pretend inferiority and encourage your enemy's arrogance". My other favourite is "Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster".
Is there a light shining in your mind from those words and what I have already written earlier?
Br'er Rabbit used deception, pretending that he had no control (when really he had it the whole time) and encouraged the arrogance of the Fox and the Bear... until they did exactly what he wanted by throwing him in the briar patch. He lived to laugh for another adventure.
In the case of the couple I used to know, the lady had let her partner think he had fully convinced her of how "useless she was". She let him believe how good he was, all the time planning how to make things work best for herself and her personal growth. (She is doing better than him and he's still doing the same disempowering things as before.)
When dealing with someone who is suppressive, overbearing and hurting you, remember that you really do have the potential to turn things around. If they are doing that, it means they are feeling threatened by you. If their words and actions are aimed at making you believe in your own inferiority, it means that actually have superiority hidden inside you.
When you do that, you have found your own hidden power inside and you can foster and nurture it. Let the other person believe they have beaten you or that you depend on them for something. They may not drop their guard but your own little piece of deception will help to relax their hold for a moment... and then when the time is right, surprise them by bursting from the burning ashes like the reborn phoenix.
If you listen carefully, you may hear Br'er Rabbit's laughter coming from inside yourself. :)
Have a great day.
ESPecially Best Wishes,
Chris Johnson
www.thementalist.com.au
